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The blind is my body, where I appear as prey – a strategic communication in which I gut myself to make room for love originally posted to substack — Jan 12, 2022 What’s autofiction if I never leave my room – a ghost story. I become my own prey, I hunt myself. Accruing life powers by how many demons you can get under your control is a quantifiable form of black magic but also boring like self-help An inferno of the same As if by appropriating my own self-hate I could burn fantasy to a crystalline lust that would finally…
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…until thought resembles experience I have utilized the fantasies of the visionary: bored, infantile, insane, fanatical, aggressively ignorant, hyper-critical. – Paul Laffoley originally posted to substack — Dec 30, 2021 The above loosely quoted from Laffoley’s painting I, Robur Master of the World, which is from Jules Verne whom I’ve never read, in reference to some fantastical/technological schematic I have little interest in, not wanting to be extended past extinction by any tech except for maybe the tech of extinction itself as a puzzle about gxd – the sphere whose circumference is nowhere and whose center is everywhere But it sticks, “aggressive…
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thinking ‘silence is the science of the world’ & ‘science is the silence of the world’ are both equally true originally posted to substack — Dec 23, 2021 Like when breath condenses to water, as I’m masked How it feels… against the skin, depthless lacquer in place of speech. My own spit on my face like gloss, the glass adjacent the mask, how a mirror is made – reflective layer backed by protection. Am I talking to myself. I learn to speak and become a split subject anyways. I give myself up, parts of me go missing into the tongue, I pass…
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𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛’𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒, 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 originally posted to substack — Dec 13, 2021 I thought I’d kill myself. I thought but I just spent $900 on this tattoo. How stupid it is to try to differentiate myself in any way, to exist in the ordinal excess of the body as an individual, somehow. Physicality perpetuates. The body repeats itself, it survives The real is that which can be copied exactly* But maybe I’m just lonely, even in taxonomy – presumed natural relationships Being a woman without natural affection, existing in the beyond as a stone does…
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“Failure comes before everything. We fail to communicate or we never learn to speak.” …bewilderment circumnavigates, believing them at the center of errant or circular movement is the empty but ultimate referent. Fanny Howe, Night Philosophy originally posted to substack — Dec 01, 2021 Mystic communication is inherently failed – anything ineffable evades detection by description b/c description desires, it eats instead of sees [Weil] and maybe what it really takes is the kind of attention that dies in the eye – “something in the eye is changed into what is seen, and therefore something in the eye dies in…